A two-year relationship with fiancé Dave Letterfly ended

Candyse Lechman Hower Born June 27, 1951

A two-year relationship with fiancé Dave Letterfly ended in April 2022 due to the appearance of toxic behavior that included withdrawal, rage, physical aggression and suicidal announcements. I was powerless while watching the woman I loved deteriorate deeper into whatever this terrible disorder is called.

Two attempts at intervention, one with the leaders of the couple’s ministry at church and the other with a psychiatrist, proved futile. Her life residing with me at my home and traveling in my RV culminated when, in a fit of anger, she bought herself an airplane ticket and flew to Phoenix.

But the saga is not over. I started receiving emails and phone calls with messages varying from loving pleas, advice for me to heed and threatening announcements. I also started receiving gifts in the mail, meals delivered to my door, and messages to change my secret passwords and pin numbers. She successfully hacked into my Verizon account, changed some of the information contained within and began secretly monitoring my phone call activity.

My life has changed. I no longer leave the ringer on on my cell phone. Because I am missing the legitimate phone calls I get, I had to compose a new pre-recorded voice message - “The best way to contact me is to send me a text.” But my friends and customers are frustrated with the inability to make normal contact with me.

Although I have her known numbers blocked, she has secured another phone that comes through as “No Caller ID” and Verizon is unable to block those calls. So, I receive calls day and night. The one-time record was 100 phone calls during one of my busiest Saturdays last summer but that record was recently shattered on April 1, 2024 when I received 347 calls from “No Caller ID” in one day.

I have to leave the phone receiver off the hook at night to avoid sleep deprivation. Kelly, in my office, has given up all hope of using the voice message service as it is intended to be used to assist our customers with reaching us since Candyse will fill it back up with gibberish messages just minutes after the queue is emptied.

Candyse Hower has also inundated one of the Harley Davidson dealerships that I conduct business with in Pennsylvania with disruptive phone calls and even contacted the manager at his home alarming his wife. This place of business has made the decision to not conduct business with me anymore due to the disruption to their business flow and the stalking taking place. This is disruptive and saddening to me since this dealership provided a consistent source of income for my summertime business.

Candyse Hower is producing behavior that is disruptive, certainly annoying, troublesome, time consuming and damaging. Since the matter has crossed from a civil dispute to a criminal matter with the destruction to my livelihood, a file has been created with the Hillsborough County Florida Sheriff’s department that is ongoingly added to with additional information as it occurs.

Since Candyse Hower remains obsessed with monitoring my activities, communications and whereabouts – stalking - I have begun to see a phycologist in an effort to improve my mental health as the result of enduring this maelstrom of annoying behavior and possibly discover a proactive response for the obvious mental twist that drives her disruption. The good doctor told me that Candyse somehow found out about our private sessions and left a message on the Doctors office line that created real concern in his mind about the stalking that is taking place. He has told me that it is his responsibility to alert the authorities when threatening behavior is taking place by especially when there is a concern that the disorder could progress to homicide.

I would have thought that after two years the phone calls would have tapered off. But the ongoing saga qualifies as proof that this woman needs professional help. The next logical step will be to appeal to the judge for a restraining order and perhaps he will also initiate intervention so this woman gets the help she desperately needs.

This website has been created as a place to record all activities

March 18, 2024

Just woke up. Time to empty out the blocked calls on my phone to make way for the new day. My life is different with a stalker. I look at my phone – 98 calls since I emptied it out last evening.

In an effort to achieve some personal relief from the obsessive cycle of thoughts about being stalked by a mentally ill woman that infected my mind and the serenity I prefer; I began journalling a letter to Candyse Hower

Dear Candyse Hower,

You win! I have had enough. Two years of being inundated day and night with phone calls, finding out from the multitude of friends and business acquaintances that you disrupt their lives with trash talk and hacking into my telephone account has begun to take a toll on my peace and serenity – and my standing in the community. You call it unconditional love but I can clearly see from your behavior that you seek only to destroy. And because of this twisted motive that is growing that resembles cancer, you will only be happy when others turn from loving, creative, optimistic ways to become ruthless, insensitive, apathetic, and destructive too.

Well, I must admit that there were times when I thought I could simply stay tolerant, patient and empathetic for your bizarre behavior. After all - my love for you was real. But two years ago, when your behavior became toxic, suicidal, perfidy, disloyal and alarming the time came to end it.

Thank goodness I didn’t have to be the bad guy – in a fit of anger you got your own plane ticket to Phoenix. Plus, you had a fuck buddy to provide a soft place to land. I wished you well and still do. I thought that maybe I could return to my life of peace and creativity but you had other plans. My life required change. I had to include new tasks to my daily routine.

When I get the notice that my voice mailbox is full, I simply erase the eighty messages from you. (on April 1, 2024, you set a new record of 327 calls in one day) I had to mark your emails as spam, and block what I could. Then I heard from a distraught friend that you left them a message that made her cry. Or how you call the retail facilities where I conduct my business and disrupt the lives of the people, I do business with. And you promote fear because of stalking them. You have forced them to make the decision to no longer conduct business with me anymore. Plus, I have lost customers due to your bizarre destructive behavior. I have spent countless hours on the phone with Verizon attempting to get the service needed to have these calls eliminated. Until then I have my ringer off and my voice message provides instructions for them to text or email me.

I am saddened to find out about what you value as an accomplishment and must admit the aftermath of the ongoing destruction elevates my frustration and the erosion of my wellbeing that is taking a toll on my mental health too. I have begun seeing a phycologist. During the most recent session the doctor told me that you left him a message at his office. Since this is a private, confidential matter your having access to this information suggests that you are successfully monitoring my phone calls and texts somehow. This is called stalking. I hope you are happy to have accomplished this. I hope you get the help you need.

Sincerely, Dave

3,16,2024

(The Verizon debacle)

For those of you who have had to tolerate disruptive toxic behavior at the hand of another, I want to offer hope that at some point there will be a benefit. I am already projecting that – although I am still in the thick of things – a conclusion will occur and with-it valuable lessons will be revealed that will make me a better man. Although the police consider stalking a a civil problem until there is bloodshed and do not dedicate much time to intervention, the truth is that victims suffer from disruption that actually satisfies the culprit who simply craves attention. The problem with this twisted mentality is when the disruption progresses to blatant destruction that grows to include interfering with commerce, disruption for the normal flow of activity, the assassination of reputation and can grow into a real reason to fear homicide.

The amount of time I have had to invest talking to Verizon customer service in response to the stalking by Candyse Hower is significant. She must have no other life aside from using her skills to disrupt my Verizon account. The other morning, I received a text from Verizon - “Your Voicemail Pin has been changed – if you did not initiate this change - call customer care”

Then I received another message from my brother that Candyse called him and told him to tell me to change my Verizon pin. Then Kelly told me the same thing. That evening when I called customer care the attendant did what she could to restore my account and change my pin to a new number but she discovered that my zip code had been successfully changed inside the account, preventing me from signing in to access my account.

“You will have to go to the Verizon store so they can positively identify you and help you get logged back in.”

These inconveniences that Candyse Hower interrupts my day, consumes huge chunks of time and takes me away from other productive tasks. My day didn’t start until mid-morning that day and the problem still isn’t solved. Sabotage is a form of aggression. As I remember back to the time when I was fully in love with Candyse during the two years we were together, my love grew to the point where I asked her to marry me. She said yes. But as I watched her during the months that followed, I saw a woman retreat into some mysterious secret place. Something had snapped. And in four months, she had withdrawn into a locked bedroom. When I did see her, I inundated with toxic behavior. I was deeply concerned.

At the time I was a student of the class for couples at church called “To Have and To Hold.” I was learning about the responsibilities of a couple preparing for matrimony. One segment was eye opening – “In Sickness and in Health.” That was where I learned about the biblical duties of dedicated souls – to rise in faith as relational challenges occur. I certainly had an opportunity to do so here. I tried intervention. The first time was with my couple friends who lead the marriage ministry at church. But Candyse was aloof, belligerent, animated and uncooperative.

My friends called from their condo in Clearwater – Please join us for church. I recognized an opportunity to be among friends and confide wat was going on. During the happenstance meeting I had an opportunity to talk with one of the pastors who is also a relationship doctor and a psychiatrist. During our twenty-minute meeting I was able to share with her what was going on at home. I entered into participating at the group sessions she facilitated at church and did some more one-on-one over the next few weeks. Candyse behavior was becoming more alarming, at one point the doctor asked me a question, “has her behavior become physically aggressive yet?”

The following day as I was walking up to the house with a tub of potato salad and a bag of shredded cheese, Candyse stormed into me grabbing the food out of my hands and threw them into the bushes. That was when I realized why the doctor said “yet”.

After disclosing this event, the doctor suggested we try an intervention over the phone. That evening at the determined time the doctor called me. When Candyse discovered that I was on the phone talking to a doctor her condition spiked. She became animated, complaining about at my behavior and even included announcements of suicide. The doctor was well aware of the display going on at my house and asked to talk to Candyse. When Candyse did take the phone, she immediately started running off an inventory of complaints about my behavior and how it makes her feel. The good doctor remained calm and kept assuring her that it was okay and that she understood what was going on and that she was going to help her. When she calmed her down enough, she said that she wanted to meet with her in her office to help her. Candyse gradually agreed to meet with her and they were able to conclude the phone with hope. But by the next morning, Candyse was back on the toxic track and did not make that meeting with the doctor.

I did see the doctor that Sunday at church. She confided the prognosis that there was no cure for the personality disorder that Candyse had. Her advice to me was simple. “The best thing for me to do was get out of that relationship. Now I like to think that I am a Godly person. I already know not to rely on the thoughts going on in my head. So, when I started to wonder how I was going to get out of this relationship, I knew to turn to God first. Sure enough, I was shown the way.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to be the bad guy and throw her out. In a fit of anger, Candyse got her own airplane ticket back to Phoenix. Then for effect she added, “my fuck buddy will provide me a soft place to land.”

With her in Phoenix, I could put my life back in order – or so I thought. I knew I had to go through grief and healing for the hurts. And I had plenty to do to get ready for my annual trek up north. I got busy. And then, this other stuff started happening. At first, I thought I could simply be patient, tolerant and accepting - trusting that God will provide what I need, but here it is two years after that toxic behavior began and she is still composing destructive ways to disrupt my life. And I am getting tired of it. And sick and tired are the right words to use.

My life has changed. If I don’t remember to take the phone off the hook at night, the phone will ring and ring and ring at the most inopportune nocturnal time and interrupt my sleep. Then I have to quiet my mind and attempt to allow sleep to resume. Once daylight arrives, I have another agenda to follow. This morning when I did put the phone back on the receiver, it started ringing just minutes later. This woman obviously doesn’t have anything to do.

My day usually starts with checking my voice mail box and emptying the blocked calls that, although I do not get, they still fill my mailbox. Once those calls are selected and deleted my customers will have a chance to get in touch with me. But I leave the ringer off. Candyse has acquired a burn phone with a Mexican number that comes through as “no caller ID” and I cannot block it. So, I had to change the greeting my callers receive when they get through to the voice messaging - “the best way to contact me is to send me a text.”

This deviation from the normal way people communicate adds to the disruption. My life has changed now that Candyse remains relentless due to her twisted mentality. I still have to get with the technical staff at Verizon to have what has been changed internally to my account fixed – which requires another grueling phone call to customer care.

Although futile to attempt to reason with her, for the sake of this document, let me continue with the format of a conversation with Candyse and continue with this story.

What is it that makes a mentally ill person do such things? There must be some scientific explanation. What bothers me the most is that without treatment, this behavior will only escalate. That is part of why I am now investing time to record all the events that are still taking place two years after she left in a huff. I hope these musings prove to be cathartic. Perhaps they will go into another finished piece that will help another affected person.

To add to the frustration that seems to be building in my mind in spite of an increase in attending to my emotional health through group recovery meetings, meditation study and discussion groups is a growing fear. I know I have a responsibility to society. In spite of my intention to place all this information in front of a judge, my fear is that the judge will not care. He will not recognize this as an ongoing problem that is worth his time. Instead of initiating effective intervention for this runaway mental health issue, he will throw my request for a restraining order in the trash. Then Candyse will get the message that it is okay for her to pull out all the stops and ramp up her destructive game with an even more devastating goal. Futility has entered into my mental condition.

My imaginative mind has to consider the truth – that there might not be any reason to trust that the authorities in place will ever do anything. If I do not possess the ability to present a compelling case to the judge that he compares to the other heinous acts taking place in his jurisdiction, then he will simply scoff and throw my appeal for help into the trash. I must accept that there are people in positions of authority that do not care. Nothing might be the only thing that happens. Then I have a real reason to fear the worse.

Because if her mental illness escalates from simply interrupting peace, the disruption of productivity, the destruction of my livelihood and the erosion of my personal creativity and she begins to entertain homicide, I want the story about what happened prior to her accomplishment to exist somewhere for the sake of the future – perhaps only one life will have to perish from an untreated illness and there will be some good come out of it for the sake of helping the next guy.

Maybe if I write a letter.

Dear Candyse,

The continual devastation by your hand has promoted an impending sense of futility in my heart. Your motive of increasing everything that is disruptive, unwholesome, sick and nasty is working to erode everything wonderful in my heart. You will be proud to know that I am ready to kick a dog, put a long scratch on someone’s car, get in the face of the next person I see, yell at the machine during the next automated phone call I receive, and maybe even confront an armed officer of the law and release the pent-up salvo of profanity that has been building up pressure during this two-year-long campaign of yours to provoke getting shot. Perhaps it is the sleep deprivation you are successful with that affects my wellbeing.

Having the phone ring in the middle of the night interrupts my sleep. Once awake my creative mind starts to stir. But instead of crafting some idea for the benefit of my customer, the community or the world, my imaginative mind begins to wonder about why you inundate me with calls that I have learned to ignore that you get no response to? I question the motive behind this continual disruption and why after two years you have not found another activity to pursue. There is some reason that you remain obsessed with this destruction.

I have begun seeing a Phycologist in an effort to get some relief from the increasing frustration that threatens my serenity, learn more about your disorder and to possibly uncover how to have a practical relationship with the unending dysfunction you produce. I can only hope that the sessions will help. And I am going to see him regularly. I am learning the names for the behavior that you are producing.

The good doctor is teaching me that it is impossible to reason with a person afflicted with a peculiar mental twist combined with a personality disorder that seeks only destruction in the name of love. But that isn’t yet providing me with relief for the frustration that you are producing in my heart, office, community and livelihood. The frequency of your contribution to this destruction is greater than the relief I am receiving from the doctor. So, you still are a contender for winning this war that you initiated and are successfully waging against decency.

I am being taught that some form of mental illness or maybe a serious personality disorder can believe that love is the driving force behind all this disruptive activity. But with a healthy mind love does not seek to destroy. Love finds ways to build, create, improve, nurture and find ways to benefit the focus of their affection. Your focus does not qualify as love. You produce disruption, lies, retaliation, vengeance, obliteration of any remnant of goodness and remain dedicated to the putrid motivation to destruction that just will not stop. I wish I could negotiate with you to stop. I have sought help from the authorities but until there is bloodshed, they do not consider this worth their time. Thanks to the system in place in this country, futility has begun to infect my attitude.

And it is getting worse. With every scheme hatched by stalking my activities on social media, the negative synapses between your misfiring brain centers are getting stronger. Evidence suggests that this tendency that has become an obsession will only increase in intensity in your mind. The doctor tells me that the driving force for destruction will only increase as you begin to consider greater and greater forms of making an impact.

Without professional help you will succeed with your ambitions and endeavors. Eventually homicide will come into focus in your crosshairs. You have already decided that nothing will stop you. Soon, I will be lying dead at your feet. And If I don’t get relief from the frustration promoted by being inundated with subtle destructive behavior, perhaps death at your hand will prove merciful – an effective way for me to experience relief.

Evidence supports that you will succeed. You have experience with receiving a restraining order from Jack Giampapa over a decade ago and that you landed in the hospital due to an attempt at suicide forty-some odd years ago. You know how to play the game. I am at a disadvantage not knowing how the world works and you know it. You know you can win. That is what fuels you forward.

You have been playing a game that has no end. My faith in humanity erodes due to my inability to appeal to the authorities who have the power to get you into the professional medical help pipeline that treats mental and personality disorders. Because of my inability, I realize that there will be no end to what you remain dedicated to. When I am dead you will realize that all of your efforts coalesced into victory. Ironically, you will win in the name of love. Even if I survive this melee, I will arrive at a dead end.

With options exhausted I can only pray. I can pray that the judge recognizes his duty to society and makes a decision. I pray that the authorities embrace the technology available to intersect your proximity and I pray that the medical community is graced with inspiration to promote healing in your mind.

Then I pray that at some point in the future I can transform this heinous experience into hope for readers who may also be at the brink of jumping off the edge. I cannot ignore that there must be some reason I was selected to go through this experience. Perhaps God intends to use my creative writing abilities to transform the tale of this tragedy into a story of hope.

Peeking through the shroud of fear I see a glimpse of something to grasp – I want nothing but the best for everyone involved.

David H Knoderer